Where I Stand

Over the past few years, I have grown a lot. As my boyfriend would say, I have experienced a 'hypergrowth' in my spirituality. A few years ago, I started focusing where I was going in my life. I landed on God's path once more. Though I have known him and sought him all my life, I began to yearn for a relationship far stronger then a weekly sunday service and my few intimate moments with God alone.

I was hurt by my friends including a broken friendship and a broken relationship. I felt like I was in the dark. I sought for Jesus and questioned God about why things are happening. I felt so much like how Job felt; I felt like I was being punished with these experiences. Though I didn't experience the extreme of Job's experience, I felt I could relate to some of his dialog. I repented and asked for forgiveness for my problems and wrongs, only to hope that I could again see the light. Though many consider 'life' to have negativity, false hopes, broken promises, horrible coincidences, and experiences of feeling like you are at the bottom of it all, I decided to look at life differently. I began a journey including God in everything I said, everything I did, and everything I wanted out of life. I got out of my relationship and began to patch up the holes in my heart. And so began my hypergrowth.

I met new friends pretty fast, many of which are from my coffee shop job I got in 2008. I was in a depression, and I was blessed with friends that got me out of it. But it wasn't until the end of 2009, that I was able to talk and get to know these friends. My closest friend brought me to her church which I love; and now I am pursuing it today. She also introduced me to my current boyfriend who is such a strong man of God and so uplifting and encouraging to me.

Straying away from my Catholic background, I began to seek 'religion' as a 'relationship' with Jesus Christ. I sought Him everyday. Started a bible yearly devotional and spent weekends in the Purpose Driven Life with my best friend. I also volunteered at the church cafe for a few months to serve in the church. I was doing a lot, and I loved it. For once, I felt at peace. I felt so comforted and loved, and it was all because I put God at the center of everything.

But then I was hit again...pretty hard this time. About a year ago, I told my parents about this church and where I want my 'religion' (Don't like that word) to go. I didn't want to be a part of a church that was all about a weekly service. I wanted a relationship and I wanted to voice it. I struggled for a while. My parents were telling me that I am going in a 'weird' direction and it is because of my boyfriend and friends. They thought that I wasn't doing anything for myself and that this church was consuming my life. So I took a break....and to make them feel better I started going to other churches...

I went to three other churches. I still got to other churches now because I love them. What I learned is that you take church with you where ever you go. Again, Christianity is about a relationship. My parents were okay with what I was doing until....I told them about the miracles I had experienced. Here I am, so excited about God's work in my life I am about to explode, and my response from my parents "Wow, you really believe that? You have changed a lot." I cried.......cried....cried....then I was dehydrated....

After all this; crushed twice, felt like I was lost again, bottom of a pit and no way out. I am happy to say, by the grace of God, I am still on an uphill slope (though from reading this you wouldn't think so). I am where I am because I chose this life. I chose to be with Jesus and I choose to believe in His work. I can tell you the amazing things He has done in my life, but know this...He will give you your own personal experiences. In the Book of Hosea, God talks about how He is going to capture her, He is going to allure her, she is going to come back to Him. God wants our attention; He is a jealous God. And from all this experience, I can see why God might throw some unfortunate things your way. He wants ALL of you. And He wants ALL of me....

Where I stand:
I am a follower of Jesus Christ, wholeheartedly in love with my Father in heaven, the Creator, the only God. I love my parents, love my boyfriend, love my friends....but most of all I love where I am at in my life. I go to church, I lead a small group of 10 girls, I read the Word, I keep Him in my thoughts, I pray, I worship, I am a nurse hoping to be a part of a health ministry and I am doing my best to LIVE a LIFE like JESUS. . . .

And everything else....is just so small compared to this. After two years of 'hypergrowth,' I am walking on God's road, following His footsteps...though I still to this day experience pain and hurt from my family and my past friends... Jesus is my foundation and in my Father I find comfort, love, and peace. Peace be with me.....