Confidence?

This week was hectic; work, school, more work, clinical day #3, clinical day #4, all day class friday, ECG class....eeeeesccch...Let's just say I was ready to go home today...

I had an interesting day on Thursday, clinical day #4. It's amazing how one little thing can effect your whole entire day; the way you think, your confidence, your reflexes, your attitude, even your spirit. Right before my clinical rotation, I checked my grades online for one of my assignments. I didn't do so well, but that itself isn't a complete turn around for me. I had comments from my teacher saying, "You missed the mark," "This is sloppy," "This worries me," "If I was your supervisor, I would report you for writing this," "I want you to talk to the class about this assignment," "You need to explain to the class about what you wrote." ..........

So, I wasn't feeling to good after this. My confidence level just plummeted. I didn't understand what I did wrong. I also didn't appreciate him telling me to display my work in front of the class like.. "this is what not to do." So I emailed him and told him how I felt about it. But, I had no time to talk to the instructor personally because of clinical.

So clinical comes fast, and I get there a little early to receive report on my patient that I had the previous day. CW was stable, but had low Hct and low Hgb (lab values that show the amount of hemoglobin in the blood) These values were low which led to the decision to transfuse blood. His blood pressure was low the previous day too so Diuretics (water pills) were held as well as the Atenolol (High blood pressure medication). It was important for my to monitor his blood pressure, pulse, temp, and oxygen levels as blood was being transfused. CW had improved Hct, Hgb, and BP after an hour after the transfusion. So my day began with the transfusion, I couldn't do much because I wasn't checked off for those skills yet except for vitals. I was grateful though because my mind was elsewhere. I felt like I couldn't do anything at this point......

So my nurse, Mayra, was a 6 month new grad so she was learning as well. I had to do a lot! The pressure was on me to take care of this patient basically by myself because Mayra was new. So here I am after the transfusion with lots to do. Medications, Lovenox injection (blood thinner), teach about Lovenox (because CW will be doing this at home), VS every 4hr, encourage deep breathing and use of incentive spirometer, help to bathroom, ambulate in hallways, encourage physical therapy exercises, IV therapy and fluids, pain management, shift assessment, reassessments every 4hr, and making sure CW is okay checking every hr.

This didn't include helping Mayra with her other patients. I can't believe I will have at least 4 patients every shift. Thank God for nursing assistants! :)

Though I was losing it and my confidence was low, I knew I was going to make it through the day. God got me through and in a great way. I was so busy, I forgot about my assignment and my feedback. I actually now feel like I can have a second patient. Slowly but surely add a patient every clinical day....

Then to make my day better...Mayra said she was quitting next summer and I asked her if I could have her job....she was like "Ya! Take it, it's yours!" I would cry if I got a job there.....my goodness.....

So what to get out of today......I will get hit with situations like this, but it's in God's hands. If you ask, he will provide. God is my confidence.....

Aaaaamen...and now off to week 4!